tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
