I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
