Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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