Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
