she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
