im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
