Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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