Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize