You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he puts the penis in happiness.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize