I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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