there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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