Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
