guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
