Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
