I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
