ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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