Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
