her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
