I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
