i barfeds in our rink
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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