oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
