I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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