I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm always down for nudity.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
