why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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