ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
