highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize