I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My bed smells like the plague
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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