Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
