i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize