Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
