I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Someone shattered a urinal.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
