i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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