can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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