now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
