I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
