You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
