did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Houston, we have a blender
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
