The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
