Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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