Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
