last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
