im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
