I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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