Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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