i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
