I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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