She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
