I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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