Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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