Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
