I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
