Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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