I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
