I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
