I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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