i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
