my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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