Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
