Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
