walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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