He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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