they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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