Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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