'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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