Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
