Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
