I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
