My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
