I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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